This is the only thing I’ve made in 14 weeks, and it’s not even finished.
After my wedding I quit an awful job and started working a fulfilling one. I quit that job after my husband found new work across the country, and the next two months were spent packing and driving and subsequently unpacking thousands of miles away.
And here I am, and here is the only thing I’ve made in 14 weeks, and it was 14 weeks ago.
I feel lazy, I feel over-privileged, and I feel useless.
I have a friend whose husband works the money making job; she’s a stay at home mom of two and full time studio artist all at once. Her kids – her happy kids – make art with her regularly. She shows her work in galleries. She’s a lovely person. I sleep until noon and watch “Flip or Flop.” I miss being proud of myself.
“Wow, you literally don’t have to work and all of your time is leisure; I feel so sorry for you,” says the room at large. Man, don’t I know it… I’ve never been here before; I’m used to working full-time and wearing a pant suit. I could get another job, or even do something as kooky as go back to school; but my daily reality is that having so many choices is crippling to the point of curl-in-a-ball anxiety that leads to self harm…
Which makes me feel lazy, over-privileged, and useless.
Anyway, the “and What To Do About It” part of all of this is: Just Get To Work and Paint. And maybe throw the pantsuit back on every once and again for kicks.